Pesach Madness - Post Your Product!

In honor of Pesach, I'm asking readers to submit the wackiest "Kosher La'Pesach" products they've come across this year. I don't have anything special to submit at this time, personally, though I can begin the roster with Kosher La'Pesach napkins, courtesy of Badatz in Jerusalem. So in case you were thinking of ingesting napkins this year, you're covered.

What else is out there?

Just trying to help

I have an article coming out soon called "Sinning Against Singles" that elaborates on how individuals and the community at large sin against singles in ways that are obvious and not so obvious. In general, the faulty and negative attitudes people have toward singles, and the comments they make which unwittingly reflect this, often far outweigh their attempts to "help".

Yesterday I announced an upcoming ETM Shabbaton in Israel, and a well-meaning woman forwarded it around (trying to help) with the following message (not helpful): "Do you know any older single people to go to this shabbaton?"

We engaged in the following correspondence. I've highlighted the remarks that are unwittingly offensive and reflect very faulty attitudes that will cause more harm than good in her efforts to "help" singles, following by my remarks in italics (these were not included in the correspondence):

CTW: I don't understand this email you sent me. The age range is up to 35.

Plonis: I was trying to help you - you posted this up to 35 is older singles to me.
is that what you dont understand? (I thought I would get a thankyou, sorry if I interfered)

CTW: At what age is a single old in your opinion?

Plonis: I said 'older' not 'old'. I'm referring to post highschool/yeshiva/army singles I suppose. I realize that perhaps it might be considered offensive and I'm sorry, but I sent this out to my friends hoping they have that person who is still searching (as opposed to just starting to search). I dont think the 19/20 yr olds (males) need to go to something like this. Let the 'older' young men and women have a chance to find their beshert. I would say 'older' means 25 and up? [It's not your place to decide at what age people should have an opportunity to meet someone, as if this is triage of sorts. If the 19/20 year olds are ready to get married, and they are fortunate enough to meet someone while they are so young, all the better. Limiting their opportunities in favor of others only increases the likelihood that they will become "older singles".]

Chananya, it is done so please forgive me. What other term would you have suggested.
We do what we can to help singles and I find that "older' singles get a bit too touchy about their status. [I can only imagine why!]

I was 30 when I finally married, and had a horrible time finding "the one" - and have been married for 26 years B"H - so I AM GRATEFULL for having had the opportunity. All you singles s/b hopeful and grateful for the opportunity as well. [Rather preachy and condescending] good luck

CTW: Everyone is older than someone else.

I would have recommended just forwarding it as is and letting people decide for themselves if they are appropriate to attend. This is also not an event for people who are desperate and need a chance to find their bashert. People who put that kind of pressure on the event will not have a good time or be good company, and I would prefer they not attend, regardless of how old they are.

I've attached an article of mine that you might find interesting, if not helpful.

Thanks for passing the word along about the event.

Feminism's Impact on the Shidduch World

Very interesting discussion going on in the Madness Watch thread of the EndTheMadness bulletin board (www.endthemadness.org) regarding the changed values and attitudes women are bringing into the dating process.

The discussion is based on a study conducted by a secular woman which found that women as a societal trend have become incredibly quick to reject men for all manner of trivial reasons, while men tend to be far more magnanimous and reasonable. The women then rationalize and complain that there just aren't enough good guys out there, while in reality they are rejecting good guys for all sorts of trivial and nonsensical reasons. (The article can be found at http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/02/24/lori.gottlieb.marry.him/?hpt=Sbin)

This corroborates my own observations about this over the last few years, while the heated objections of a few women to the post on the ETM bulletin board only further validates the findings. I'm not going to reconstruct everything here, but encourage readers to check out this thread (and all the others!) on the ETM bulletin board.

Generally speaking, if a guy finds a girl attractive, intelligent, pleasant to be with, and appreciates her values, he will be EAGER to see her again. If a girl finds the same in a guy, that will most likely not be nearly enough. If something he said, or some mannerism, or some other little thing can be interpreted in a negative way, it's off.

Guys don't go home and psychoanalyze and microanalyze every little thing about the date until they can find something to be concerned about. Girls do. Not all girls, of course; this is obviously a generalization. But there is no question that this is an increasingly prevalent norm, and it's bad news for everyone. (Except girls who don't do this, anyway.)

This is a very real problem, and one that no one in our community seems to acknowledge -- on the contrary, our community has gobbled up the urban myth that there aren't enough good guys, while tending to feel sympathy for single women and antipathy for single men.

In other words, once again, our community's evaluation and reaction to problems in the shidduch world is woefully off-track and counterproductive.