God...Or Santa Clause?

I had a discussion this week in which someone related the following advice from a popular seminary teacher in Israel: get into the habit of asking God to help you with all your little problems. For example, ask God to help you do well on that test, to help you find the iPod you misplaced, etc. This will help us remember that God is always there to help us with our problems and will help us build a relationship with Him.

I objected that this is an incredibly simplistic approach to prayer, and the only relationship that one can expect to build with this approach is like that of a child with Santa Clause. We ask for what we want and he (hopefully) gives it to us.

I won't go guns ablaze on the person who reportedly taught this, since his words may have been misquoted or taken out of context. Furthermore, there is definitely value in turning to Hashem for even seemingly mundane things -- provided that we have our priorities in the right place and ask for these things through a desire to be able to serve Hashem better.

For example, I've asked Hashem to help me have a good softball game, particularly when I've felt a little out of it. Of course I realize that in the grand scheme of things it's not very important whether or not I have a good game, and of course there are countless more important things we all need to daven for. However, if I do recognize that, and if having a good game will help me have some entirely permitted enjoyment, and if it will help improve my spirits to some degree, what harm is there in bringing Hashem even into this relatively trivial activity? It certainly doesn't preclude me from davening for those more important things, nor does it place equal importance upon them.

The real problem with the reported suggestion of that teacher is that it changes the focus of prayer from what it really is and is supposed to be to a self-serving activity -- in fact, the direct opposite of what prayer is supposed to be. The young adults are not being taught to pray for these things because it will help settle their minds and thereby facilitate their avodas Hashem. Rather, they are being taught to bring Hashem into their lives in a minimal fashion that is actually antithetical to the relationship that is supposed to be fostered by prayer.

One of the primary roles of Tefilla is to "pay our debts" to Hashem through our inability to bring Korbanos. The avoda that we perform through davening -- and it is avoda -- is modeled in many ways after the avoda in the Beis Hamikdash, as this is the best we can do. Understanding this helps us to understand Tefilla.

Generally speaking, an individual may bring a Korban for one of the following reasons:

1) Atonement for a sin (Chatas, Asham, Olah)
2) An expression of gratitude (Sh'lamim)
3) A desire to raise one's spiritual level, rejoice in Hashem and serving Him, or to become closer to Hashem (Sh'lamim, Olah)

There is no Korban for one who has a list of requests.

Furthermore, the overwhelming majority of our Tefilla consists of praises to Hashem. The most important part of Shemona Esrei is the first 3 Brachos, which consist of praises to Hashem. Even the request-oriented Brachos are laced with praises.

Do you want to teach your children how to daven properly? Teach them how to praise Hashem. Teach them how to worship Hashem. Then, and only then, will they be adequately prepared to ask Hashem for their personal needs and have their request given favorable attention.

Many people seem to think that the only way to get that sullen teenager to daven is to "make it worth his while" by making a Santa Clause figure out of God. This is likely to work only as long as Santa Clause delivers, and I've still yet to meet the person who receives everything on his wish list in a timely fashion. Furthermore, this self-serving relationship is unlikely to develop into what it is really meant to be -- serving Hashem instead of oneself.

Better than nothing? Better than not davening at all or merely davening by rote? I don't think so, since it is much harder to undo the wrong lessons than to teach the right ones and allow them to kick in when the individual is ready.

Teach the disaffected teenager that it's okay to ask Hashem for the things we want, but we really need to ask Hashem what HE wants from US. Ask Him to enlighten us as to our mission in life and the path we should take. Ask Him to help make us better people and better servants. Ask Him to give us what we need to make the journey easier, more pleasant, more fulfilling, and, ultimately, more successful (including that iPod). Then one will have a genuine relationship with his God.

Also teach him to say thank you, and to mean it. Saying thank you is basic etiquette. Meaning it means that one recognizes, truly recognizes, that the fulfillment of one's desire is a blessing from Hashem. You're no smarter or more industrious than the next person who desired the same thing and didn't get it. And if you are, you have Hashem to thank for that, too. So make sure you don't take credit that doesn't belong to you. Then your relationship with God will be appropriate -- not that of a spoiled child taking from Santa Clause, but that of a child grateful to a parent and a servant grateful to his master.

I realized the following as I composed this in my mind. We daven to Hashem for rain in Israel, especially following years of severe drought. This year has been an especially rainy one. It would be most appropriate for us to both continue to daven for the rain that is still needed while ALSO thanking Hashem for bringing so much rain these last few weeks. This sort of thing comes naturally (or should) in our relationships with people. Kal vachomer in our relationship with God.