The Non-Volunteers Part 1

It's become somewhat of a running joke. Someone contacts us and enthusiastically expresses interest in planning an event or otherwise becoming involved. We follow up. We then never hear from them again. This is the modern form of calling out a donation in shul and then stiffing them. Why do people do this? Because people stink, that's why.

Two weeks ago I posted a message on the Nefesh B'Nefesh Yahoo groups with the subject "A call to action in the shidduch world". It went as follows:

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More than seven years ago I started a grassroots volunteer campaign called EndTheMadness (www.endthemadness.org) to bring sanity and true Torah values back to the shidduch world. To date our small group of volunteers has held dozens of Shabbatons and other events for both singles and the entire community to promote these values, model them in action, and provide normal, non-awkward social opportunities for singles.

We take no salaries for our efforts, charge the minimum we can get away with (many events have been no charge), and funnel any surplus funds into future initiatives. Those who have benefited from our efforts and express interest in donating money are advised to donate time instead in helping to spread the message and further the cause. EndTheMadness isn't non-profit; it is anti-profit.

Nearly all of our events to date have been in the New York area. I recently made aliya and would like very much to bring these kinds of programs and opportunities to Israel. Unfortunately, I don't yet have the connections here that I need to make this happen. I need shuls and communities that are interested in hosting events and at least a few serious people who are interested in helping organize them. No prior experience running programs is necessary, nor is any long-term commitment necessary to make a difference. The main qualification is to care enough to do something.

If you care enough to do something, please contact me.

Sincerely,
Chananya Weissman

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More than 6000 people received this message, and I know that it was forwarded around by some people on the mailing list.

Here is a complete summary of the replies I received. The most striking will be posted in a follow-up post, as it deserves one all to itself:

1) "attention chananya:
my husband and i thought you might have some tips or suggestions for our daughter,
[Plonis] who is a bit discouraged by what she's been going out with...."

This was followed by a long, bland, boring shidduch profile. Sorry, wrong number.

2) "HELLO
I AM 35 YEARS OLD AND I WANT TO MARRY A GOOD LOOKING KIND MAN WITH A GOOD JOB CAN YOU HELP ME I LIVE IN ISRAEL"

Vanna, I'd like to buy a punctuation mark.

As if this email weren't already an impressive showing of hishtadlus, it came unsigned from what seems to be an anonymous email account. Help is definitely on the way.

3) An email from a mother who expressed interest in helping but is out of the country until Pesach. It read in part:

"Yes, I am interested in helping you "end the madness". I think you will do better in israel than NY with this mission."

Um, not yet.

4) "Hello Chananya,
I am single, living in Jerusalem, and I would be very happy to volunteer for the cause.
Please be in touch with me.
Thanks.
[Plonis]

Two follow up emails were not returned. Someone needs to explain to this young lady that volunteering for the cause requires just a little more.

5) "I am with you 100%
I am in the givatayim area of tel aviv let me know what I can do"

I suggested one way he could help with an initiative based on his professional background as an actor, and mentioned that ETM is a volunteer effort. I never heard from him again. So much for being with me 100%. I would have settled for even 30%.

6) "Chananya,
A friend of mine forwarded me a post by you about your efforts and your desire to continue these efforts here in Israel. Firsty, mazal tov on your aliyah!
I am a 34 year old single woman living in Jerusalem who (side from looking for my guy) has decided to become a life coach specializing in the Jewish dating world. As a person swimming in the midst of it all and seeing no one around who wants to make a change, I've decided to attempt to change things myself...even one person at a time. I have taken a look at your website, and would love to speak with you further about your efforts.

Kol tuv and blessings,
[Plonis]

I replied that I would be happy to speak with her and gave her my phone number. Never heard from her again, and a second follow-up email was also ignored. Seems to be a trend. I guess writing that first email is so exhausting for some people that they need a break from volunteering.

7) "Chananya . . .Yes, I would like to become more involved, perhaps [Ploni] would, too. He is a good friend of mine. I practiced law in the states (NYC) and walked away from the "corporate" world two years ago and have never looked back. I live in Be'er Sheva."

It took 2 follow-up emails to get a reply. She then wrote in part, "A conservative Shul might be more receptive to your program.. . .just a thought."

Thanks. I explained that we're strictly Orhtodox and haven't heard back.

8) "Hi,
Me and a few friends are trying to develop a shiduch network, event and party and regular shiduch "thing".
We have trouble getting the Israeli boys around and good attractive ideas for events.
We would be happy to join forces."

This young lady planned a meeting, then canceled it, and has not been heard from since.

9) I had an email correspondence and a meeting with one woman who is interested in planning events, but the last word was she's set on planning a speed dating event. Maybe she will help with something else, but I explained that speed dating runs contrary to what I'm trying to create.

10) The closest thing to a volunteer: a mother from a largely Anglo community outside of Jerusalem floated the idea of a Shabbaton to friends and neighbors, and we're still in correspondence. However, the shul doesn't really have appropriate facilities, and the ball is in her court at the moment. I'm not holding my breath that this will work out.

See follow-up post.