Very interesting discussion going on in the Madness Watch thread of the EndTheMadness bulletin board (www.endthemadness.org) regarding the changed values and attitudes women are bringing into the dating process.
The discussion is based on a study conducted by a secular woman which found that women as a societal trend have become incredibly quick to reject men for all manner of trivial reasons, while men tend to be far more magnanimous and reasonable. The women then rationalize and complain that there just aren't enough good guys out there, while in reality they are rejecting good guys for all sorts of trivial and nonsensical reasons. (The article can be found at http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/02/24/lori.gottlieb.marry.him/?hpt=Sbin)
This corroborates my own observations about this over the last few years, while the heated objections of a few women to the post on the ETM bulletin board only further validates the findings. I'm not going to reconstruct everything here, but encourage readers to check out this thread (and all the others!) on the ETM bulletin board.
Generally speaking, if a guy finds a girl attractive, intelligent, pleasant to be with, and appreciates her values, he will be EAGER to see her again. If a girl finds the same in a guy, that will most likely not be nearly enough. If something he said, or some mannerism, or some other little thing can be interpreted in a negative way, it's off.
Guys don't go home and psychoanalyze and microanalyze every little thing about the date until they can find something to be concerned about. Girls do. Not all girls, of course; this is obviously a generalization. But there is no question that this is an increasingly prevalent norm, and it's bad news for everyone. (Except girls who don't do this, anyway.)
This is a very real problem, and one that no one in our community seems to acknowledge -- on the contrary, our community has gobbled up the urban myth that there aren't enough good guys, while tending to feel sympathy for single women and antipathy for single men.
In other words, once again, our community's evaluation and reaction to problems in the shidduch world is woefully off-track and counterproductive.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
What does this have to do with feminism though?
If anything you are reinforcing traditional stereotypes about women.
It has everything to do with feminism. I'm not sure the point you are trying to make.
Well you're saying that women are overly quick to disqualify men, due to over analyzing them. That is a female trait that doesn't have much to do with feminism.
If what you're saying is that women have too high an opinion of themselves, again that would only be an indirect result of feminism.
Basically my point is that this is more a criticism of women in general, and less of 'feminism's impact'
Yes, I'm saying women have become overly quick to disqualify men, and this is supported by the research study of hundreds of single men and women. Furthermore, this can indeed have everything to do with feminism -- if women feel they have more leverage, and if they look down on men, and if they scorn the idea of marriage as a sacrifice that isn't worth it as opposed to a partnership that brings fulfillment, then, yes, feminism can have a great deal to do with it.
In any case, whether you wish to blame feminism or define it differently is not really the key issue here. The key issue is a drastic social shift in the behavior of women and its disastrous impact in the shidduch world. This is something that is not even being mentioned.
Just came across this 'blog (thanks to the emailed "Sinning Against Singles" article) and read this entry, and I have to agree with Chananya. IMHO, the issue is akin to the side-effects of emancipation from the ghetto in that more women than before are independent, well-educated, and looking for more than a sheltered life as a mother as well as unwilling to compromise their idealized vision of marriage and Mr. Right. Just one issue among many, but nevertheless one worth noting.
Great article. Unfortunately, all to relevant, if not more so, almost fourteen years later. The Mysandric degradation of common man has found its way into the Frum World.
Hypergamy
Post a Comment